I made it until less than 2 weeks before leaving to have a total freak out. Haven't had anxiety like this for a long time. The not sleeping, heart palpitations, sudden chills or hot flashes, thinking I'm going to pass out or lose my mind, feeling like I can't breathe...It's THE WORST feeling you could have, next to dying or having a heart attack or drowning. Not that I've felt those other things, but anyone who has had anxiety would know what I'm talking about. It's scary as hell. But I refuse to go on meds for it, especially since it rarely happens, and the risk of dependence is high. I don't like to take medication unless I absolutely have to (like typhoid fever pills for travel). But I do need to learn some new coping skills. Maybe I will do yoga when I get home tonight.

I just have a lot to do before we leave- moving all of my stuff into storage, packing, and tying up any loose ends with bills and things. I'm also nervous about flying (I hate flying, and this will be the longest flight I've ever taken), and about just being away in a foreign country for so long. Doesn't sound like much I know, totally stupid and not good reasons to get bent out of shape, but that's how anxiety works. It makes even minor things hard to deal with. Sucks.


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